ChaimTime

Earlier this week the US Supreme Court took up the question of civil confinement (also known as civil commitment) of convicted sex offenders who have served their prison term and are released on probation.  It’s a complicated issue, but basically it boils down to two sides:

Side A: These are incredibly dangerous people who cannot be rehabilitated and can’t be a part of society.

Side B: These are people who have paid their debt to society, have civil rights, and within reason deserve to live normal lives.

I think you can guess where I stand. I am really angry about this case, and to explain why, I have to get kinda personal.

My favorite ex is a convicted sex offender.  He was locked up, but he served his time and now he’s out and a model citizen. Should the Supreme Court rule in favor of Side A, he could get thrown into a mental hospital for some indefinite time up to and including the rest of his life.  And that terrifies me.

You have some questions. This is natural.

How did we meet? At a coffee shop.

Before or after he went to jail? After.

Do you know what he did? Yes, and no matter what, you won’t find out.

The thing of it is, my ex, who I’ll call “Bobby,” is an incredible person. He’s remarkably intelligent, self-taught in a number of different and difficult subjects, erudite, witty, caring, and passionate about his favorite games and authors. Once I called him in a panic and told him I was on my way to his house. When I got there, he was wearing a t-shirt with the logo from my favorite band, just because he knew it would make me feel better. To this day I’m not sure why I had a panic attack that night, but I do know just being with Bobby made me calmer. He has that effect on people.

He also has a number of interrelated physical and emotional disorders, at least one of which led to the incident that put him in prison. Which is not to say Bobby isn’t guilty of a crime. He is, and he has admitted it many times over, and he served the sentence the judge put on him, and he is better for it. With the help of intensive therapy, he’s stronger and healthier than at any time since I’ve known him. His journey is impossibly difficult, but he’s mastering it, step by step.

And now, years later, Bobby could get punished for his crime again. All the progress he’s made could vanish. I’d lose one of the best friends I’ve ever had. Why? Because some people want to paint him with the same brush as serial rapists, pedophiles with hundreds of victims, and people who truly cannot be rehabilitated. That’s not Bobby. That will never be Bobby.

Look, I get that some convicted sex offenders are very, very ill and can never be made less ill. I get that some people are genuinely sociopathic and can never change. But lumping people like Bobby – who do respond to therapy, who are changing their lives for the better – in with that crowd doesn’t help anyone. Bobby doesn’t deserve to be imprisoned again. Especially with no clear timeline on when he’d get out (if at all). Especially with no oversight from the criminal justice system. (Think of it as getting grounded by your parents, then being turned over to the school custodial staff for care and wellbeing during the grounding.)

Bobby is one of the most important people in my life. He did something criminally stupid once. He paid for it. He deserves a chance to be a happy, healthy private citizen. So do a huge number of people like him. I sincerely hope the Supreme Court recognizes that people like Bobby exist and shouldn’t spend the rest of their lives locked in a forgotten ward somewhere if there’s a chance they can change.